Sing me To Sleep
by The Queen of Asgard
Summary: Shepard has awoken after 4 years of cryostasis and is again in the clutches of the Illusive Man. That's not the worst part of her reawakening though. Entire worlds are being swallowed up into the abyss of space without a trace and no one knows why. Can Shepard face the oncoming darkness with those she loves most? Or will the darkness too swallow her once and for all? FemShep/Garrus
1. Awakening

_"Shepard..."_

_"Shepard..."_

_"Eileen..."_

_"Sweetheart, wake up..."_

Darkness and color mingled through Shepard's broken mind, dancing around like a group of seductive asaris. Everything was broken, but how? How could she possibly be alive after what had happened? Her mind was her only comfort, thinking of the events that had transpired...hell, it might as well have been centuries. She could barely remember what had happened. Did the Reapers win? Did they win? She didn't know.

"...Pard.."

Oh great. Who was calling her name now? Some long forgotten ghost of her past? Maybe her MOTHER?! God, she missed her family. She hadn't missed her family in years. They were all gone now but she was still there. She must have a really talented guardian angel. Or a really stupid one.

Colors began to dance again as the stark white walls began to blur from reality and a familiar face donned in a white suit that matched the walls like they were meant to be together. Miranda Lawson: Shepard's friend and teammate did not wear her infamous smirk but now a frown. Her eyes were dark and Shepard could tell that she had seen some terrible things since the destruction of the Reapers.

"Shepard, thank God you're awake." Miranda said softly, brushing hair out of Shepard's face. She tried to sit up but hissed sharply, pain shooting up and down her lower back and legs. "Consider yourself lucky to still have legs."

"M-Miranda..." Shepard tried to speak but the brunette placed a finger against her lips.

"Hush now. You're still healing." She said softly as Shepard groaned and again attempted to sit up.

"How long...how long have I been out?" Shepard asked as Miranda sighed softly and looked out the window.

"About 4 years."

"Four years?"

"Yes. We've had you in cryostasis to keep you alive while we reconstructed your body...again." Miranda's eyes shot to the left as her brows furrowed.

"Wait...who's we?" Shepard demanded, feeling the sense of dread settle in the pit of her belly. "You don't mean..."

"I'm so so sorry, Shepard." Miranda murmured as she stepped out of the way and a familiar, terrifying face that had haunted her dreams for what seemed like years stepped out of the shadows. He was tall with salt and pepper hair and bright blue eyes. "I never wanted it to become like this."

"You...you betrayed me!" Shepard shouted angrily, trying to sit up. Ignoring the shooting pain, she now realized that there was something else holding her to the bed: restraints. Belts around her wrists and ankles prevented her from going anywhere, "Dammit Miranda! I thought you were my friend!"

"It was the only way I could keep Oriana safe," She said softly, "I'm so sorry..."

"Ah, it's good to see our little lamb didn't stray too far from home." The Illusive Man smirked, taking a drag off his cigarette. "It's good to see you again, Shepard."

"I killed you! I watched you die!" Shepard snarled angrily as The Illusive Man sighed dramatically and rolled his eyes. She could almost hear the biotics moving around in his ugly skull as he did so.

"Did you really think I was going to lay down and die that easily, Shepard? Did you really think I was going to let you get away?" He asked, his face never changing as he exhaled, a cloud of smoke catching Shepard's nose, making her wince, "Of course not. You were, of course, the project we needed. Why should I let you leave? All you would do is go back to the Alliance and tell them that Cerberus was still up and kicking."

"I'm surprised that they didn't come searching for you." Shepard snapped back as the Illusive Man chuckled before coughing. After bringing his fist up to his chest to silence his coughing, he began to speak.

"Let's just say I have friends in high places. Your friends did come looking, believe me. Especially when they didn't find your body. Let me tell you, your memorial service was the event of the century."

"You bastard..."

"Oh no, I'm just the one who gave you life...twice. However, this time, I'm not even remotely going to let you go. You're my prisoner now, Shepard. My little secret and for the rest of your days, you're also going to be my lab rat. How does that sound?"

"Go to Hell."

"Where do you think I come from?"

With that, he turned on his heel and glanced over at a monitor where a vid was playing. "I can't believe it's been four years since you went missing. Of course, we wanted to show you what's happened in the world since you went missing."

Shepard's bed began to hum as it moved upwards, allowing her to see the screen more clearly. "This, of course, was the first candlelight vigil they held for you. This was the one year anniversary of your death."

_"Shepard was the most inspirational and amazing woman. She knew exactly what to say and when to say it to keep your hopes up, no matter what. She always put her crew and friends before herself. Honestly, Shepard was my hero."_ Tears prickled at Shepard's eyes as her best friend Kaiden looked down, obviously trying to keep it together. When he looked back up, his eyes were shining with unshed tears, _"I wish I could have said goodbye properly. I miss you, Eileen." _

Shepard grit her teeth in anger and to keep her tongue from taking on a life of it's own. She had never heard Kaiden use her first name. Actually, she rarely heard anyone on her crew use her first name. It was always 'Shepard' this and 'Shepard' that. But now...now she wished she had heard her name far more often than she ever had on the Normandy.

The candles flickered like stars in the sky as the second person took the stand. She was slender yet curvy, wearing a mask of purple and a headdress that signified her as someone important in the quarian fleet.

_"I met Shepard almost 3 years ago when she defended me from some thugs on the Citadel."_ Tali talked quietly but her accented words echoed over the hushed crowd, _"From that moment on, I knew that she would be in my life forever. Two years later, she took me in and made me one of her own, even after I was exiled. Shepard was, without a doubt, one of the most incredible people I have ever met. I was, and still am, honored to be considered one of her crewmembers. Rest well, my friend."_

"The next one I definitely think you'll want to see." The Illusive man muttered as he brought his cigarette down into an ashtray on his left side, crossing his arms afterwards. Miranda just stood there silently as a mannequin, her face contorted like she had eaten something sour.

Shepard didn't want to see anymore. All she wanted to do was sit in a corner and cry but she couldn't possibly give the Illusive Man the satisfaction of seeing her weep. However, the next person...or alien...to stand up, almost made a sob escape her lips.

Most humans wouldn't consider the turian race a particularly glamarous race but to Shepard, this certain Turian was the most handsome creature in the entire universe. He was tall, at least a head taller than her dressed in the familiar blue and black armor with his scars just barely showing on his left mandible. His blue eyes seemed sad and he still wore his scouter on his right. This was her Garrus Vakarian, the Turian she had fallen in love with so long ago.

He sighed softly and looked up at the crowd, his crest proudly painted in dark blue. She had never seen this before. Was it mourning? She wasn't sure. He cleared his throat and looked up slowly.

"The day I met Shepard," He began, "I knew that it was a partnership that wouldn't be separated anytime soon. Shepard was that sort of person who you couldn't shake off if she was hanging from the back of a ship in going 2,000 miles per hour in the deepest regions of space." This got a laugh from the crowd, "I was with her when she defeated Saren and I was with her when she defeated the Collectors. I was with her when she defeated the Reapers. If there was one thing to say about Shepard it's that she was never afraid to step up and do it. Spirits, that woman was amazing to watch in battle. I admired her in so many ways and yet...I wish there was some way to turn back the clock and tell her how much I truly respected her. I don't think she ever really knew."

_'But I did know, Garrus.'_ Shepard thought miserably, trying to keep her composure.

He sighed and then looked back down, "I loved Shepard with everything I had and I knew that she loved me too. It hurts every morning waking up and realizing that my hero...my beloved...is gone. However, she once told me that if she died and I survived the battle in London, that she would always be watching over me and I believe that. I really do."

With that, he turned and walked off the stage and sat back down. The vid turned off and the Illusive Man stepped into view. Shepard did her best not to look like she was distraught but she had a feeling that the Illusive Man knew better. He still wore a smirk while Miranda stood at one end of the room, clutching the table and looking pale and shaky.

"Well then," He said, lighting up another cigarette and blowing it into Shepard's face. "Shall we begin testing?"

* * *

Shepard sat at a table in her dressing gown. Her dark red hair was too long for her liking and her dark eyes were gaunt and haunted. She look like nothing more than skin and bone and she felt like she was getting sick. She had a stuffy nose and a nasty cough along with the fact her eyes were watering and she couldn't keep anything down. Miranda said that this was part of the cryostasis effects and that she'd begin to feel better soon.

Actually, Shepard didn't want to feel better any time soon. All she wanted to do was die. Everyone thought she was dead. Why not go along with the idea? She hated the thought of being captured by Cerberus again.

They made her run tests as soon as the vid had stopped playing. The had pitted her against some varren unarmed and she had quickly lost so much blood they had to do an emergency transfusion as the Illusive Man watched from behind a blood spattered window, his blue eyes keeping contact with her dark green ones.

She had lost count of the days but Miranda had given her a journal to write things in if ever she felt the need. As of now, it was mostly full of musing about how much she wanted to break the brunette's neck. Shepard glanced at herself in a mirror and was blown over. She had lost another five pounds at least, her cheekbones starting to jut out, her sickly pale skin stretched thin across the bones. Her skin was covered in bruises and cuts where she had been stabbed and cut in some terrifying experiments. She had cuts on her forehead and could feel the needle pricks on each vertebrae on her back.

Suddenly, the one way door opened and Miranda and all her perfectness strutted in, a tray of tasteless mush in one hand.

"Hey Shepard." She said softly, setting the tray down and sitting across from the Commander, "Is there anything I can get for you?"

"How about a beer?" Shepard croaked as Miranda cracked a smile and cocked her head.

"You've been here for six months, haven't you?" She asked softly as Shepard refused to acknowledge her, looking out the window at the starry sky, "Things have been changing. Maybe I could tell you?"

Miranda took the silence as a yes as she smoothed out her skirt and cleared her throat, "Well, the Mass Effect Relays are almost finished, they expect that they will be ready for travel at the end of this fiscal year. The Citadel has been added to. Another 6 million people are living there now...and today, you're 35."

Shepard nodded slowly as Miranda pushed the tray closer to her, "Come on Shepard, you have to eat."

"No, I don't." Shepard grunted, pushing the tray away.

"Do you want to die here?" Miranda chided as Shepard looked up at the ceiling.

"Yes."

"I don't think you do. I'll leave this here and you can eat when you want." Miranda stood up and nodded to Shepard before putting something on the table, "Happy birthday, Shepard."

With that, she turned on her heel and strode out of the room, allowing the door to open before she stepped through. Shepard slowly looked down at the package she had been given and with reflexes she thought were gone, grabbed it and shoved it under the table before unwrapping it, praying it was a needle full of cyanide or arsenic or something.

No, it was a little handheld recorder, barely the size of her little fingernail. On the wrapping paper was a message written in black ink, somewhat smeared but still legible.

'I won't tell if you don't. Coordinates for the Admiral Anderson's computer are already plugged into the recorder. Good luck." There was a little M underneath the letter as Shepard's hands began to shake.

Perhaps there was some good in Miranda after all.

* * *

**A/N:I'll admit, I had no intention to do a Mass Effect story. However, this one came to me earlier today and I knew that I had to do it. So...if everything lined up, this is how my Shepard's past went in the other games. She romanced Garrus and managed to keep everyone alive in the 2nd game. Legion, Samara, Thane, Ashley and Wrex are dead. (Because I am a terrible person, that's why.)**

**You are going to get warned now instead of later. This story is going to have some graphic scenes in it and A LOT of swearing. That's what happens when you have Jack. Reviews are great. Favorites are great. Follows are great. Whatever you wish to spare would be great.**

**Uh, this is a FemShep/Garrus story but the romance doesn't start picking up until about halfway in the story. However, there will be a lot of awesome things that happen in between. Enjoy! **

**Eating pickles with ice cream, **

**The Queen of Asgard**


	2. Life After You

**Yes, I know there are some things that aren't following ME3 canon. So shoot me. Because I hated the ending, I made my own. So there, Bioshock. Nahhhhh. *sticks out tongue* **

**I almost died during the last conversation with Garrus and Shepard. Saddest moment ever. So, to add to the sadness, I included the ending conversation for your benefit! (I am a terrible person.) Reviews from the three who did so are very appreciated. Thank you so much! **

**I am also making a playlist for this story. Any suggestions? Add them to your review. **

**That is all. Carry on!**

**The Queen of Asgard**

* * *

-Citadel-

Garrus Vakarian opened his eyes and looked up at the simulated sky, just as blue as the day that he and Shepard declared their love for each other not too long ago. Why did it feel like forever? He sat up and ran his hand over his crest, still thinking about the day she had chosen…whatever she had chosen. Whatever it was, it had led the Alliance to victory against the Reapers and he knew that someday, they would sit up on that bar stool with each other and laugh about all the times they almost got their asses handed to them on a silver plate.

The key word being almost.

He stood up and got dressed in complete and utter silence, not wishing to wake the slender figure in the bed, her legs pulled up in the fetal position. He had always lived here and he had no intention of leaving any time soon. Sure, it was a bit different now that the arms had opened up and they were floating above Earth but…it reminded him of something that once was. Something he had tried so hard to recreate but never seemed to find a way to do it.

After Shepard's death, the Citadel had floated above Earth for about six months before anyone was even brave enough to venture 100 miles within the place. By this point, the green that had occupied every organic being in the galaxy had faded and so things began to return to normal. Slowly but surely, people started to reform and regroup, using new knowledge to rebuild all that had been taken from them. Each species now had one thing in common: their DNA.

Studies had been done for each group but scientists confirmed that there was nothing wrong except for the fact that synthetics had been bound to each strand of DNA of each creature of every species. Personally, Garrus felt no different and he enjoyed it that way. He didn't like to think about the sacrifice that Shepard had made not 3 kilometers away from his apartment.

The woman in the bed stirred and he quickly ducked into the bathroom to grab his visor and check his reflection. Turians didn't tend to look older as time went on but…he did. He couldn't put his finger on it but he did indeed look older. He then realized that his eyes, once as keen and bright as a hawk's, were sunken and dark, almost haunted looking.

Frowning slightly, he walked out of the bedroom to see his girlfriend sitting up, her long black hair flowing like a waterfall of obsidian down her back. She flopped back onto the bed and giggled slightly, her green eyes meeting Garrus's.

"Good morning," She said, her voice still scratching from sleep.

"Good morning to you as well, Alicia." He said before walking out of the room towards the kitchen. He could hear her getting out of bed, her bare feet padding along the floor.

"Hey, where are you going?" Her voice drifted down the hallway as he grabbed his omni-tool off the coffee table.

"I have to go to work, honey." Garrus said, a little sharper than he expected to. He watched her lean against the door frame and her eyes widen slightly when she heard his tone, "Sorry. Lots on my mind today."

"Hey," she leaned forward and on dancer's legs, walked over to him and kissed him on the mandible, "I understand."

"Thank you but…I don't think you do." His shoulders sagged as he leaned down, wrapped an arm around his tiny girlfriend and pressed his mouth against her warm, fleshy lips. "But that won't stop me from doing that."

He gave Alicia one more quick squeeze and then, turning on his heel, walked out of the small apartment and down the hallway towards the elevators. Dozens of other commuters walked in the same direction, talking or laughing about something that had been said the night before over drinks or dinner.

He walked towards the elevator but unlike the others, he didn't smile nor did he joke. On the way, he bought a bouquet of tiger lilies from an old Salarian woman who smiled at him and wished him a pleasant day. He nodded and then turned to the elevators once more.

"Welcome, please select your destination." The tinny voice rang in Garrus's ears as he numbly pressed a button and allowed the gentle hum of the elevator to surround him. Finally, with a pleasant ding, it opened up onto an open air plaza overlooking a large garden. A large wall at the far end of the plaza held an inscription in black marble, a bronze woman in an Alliance issued suit, looking forward, gun in hand, and ready for action standing in front of that on a pedestal of the same color.

Garrus slowly walked down the polished stairs across the empty courtyard. Flowers had been placed in front of the wall and statue along with candles and even letters that would never get wet. He looked up at the statue of the woman he had once loved as his talons rustled the cellophane.

"Happy birthday, Shepard." He said softly, "I brought you some flowers."

Garrus placed the flowers at the statue's feet and then looked up again, "I can't believe it's been four years since The Reapers. I can't believe how much I still miss you." He reached up and touched the statue's cold hand and remembered how even though their fingers hadn't fit together perfectly, how right it had felt, her hand in his. Spirits, how he missed that.

"I remember you once told me you loved tiger lilies. I mean, it was just pillow talk but it stuck out in my mind. You said they were your favorite because they were bold and reminded you of when you were a child." Garrus leaned into the statue's arm and put his head on his forearm, "I wish you could see Earth now. I wish I could stand by your side and see Earth with you. I would give up anything to just stand by you again, Shepard."

The statue remained just as silent as it had; only absorbing the words, never saying a word. He sighed deeply and then looked up at the black wall, engraved with the words that he had read at least a thousand times.

**Eileen Shepard Memorial Plaza**

**On the 28th day of September the year of 2186, the galaxy came together and destroyed the darkness known only as The Reapers. Commander Eileen Shepard led the frontal attack and ultimately sacrificed herself to bring an end to the war. The universe is a darker place without her shining light.**

Garrus walked over to it and placed his hand on the cold, unforgiving stone before leaning his forehead against it, closing his eyes. He thought about everything they had ever said to each other, smiling at the memory of the two of them joking about adopting krogan babies and meeting at a bar in heaven. He sighed and almost felt a warm, comforting presence around him as he remembered the last thing that she ever said to him.

_"James told me there's an old saying here on Earth, may you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you're dead." He glanced back at her and took a step forward, "Not sure if turian heaven is the same as yours but if this thing goes sideways and we both end up there…meet me at the bar. I'm buying."_

_Shepard sighed slightly, a small smile playing at her lips. Spirits, did she always look as good as she did now? Her dark red hair pulled back into a tight bun, her face riddled with scratches from rogue bullets? Yes, of course she did. "We're a team, Garrus. There's no Shepard without Vakarkain. So you better remember to duck."_

_A smirk played at his mandibles, "Sorry, turians don't know how. But I'll improvise." He paused before reaching forward and taking her hand in his, "And Shepard, forgive the insubordination but your boyfriend has an order for you." He looked straight into her eyes and for the first time since he had known her, he saw legitimate fear. He gave her hand a squeeze and then spoke again, "Come back alive. It be an awfully empty galaxy without you."_

_She leaned forward, wrapped her arms around his crest and kissed him, right there in front of everyone. He wrapped his arms around her waist and leaned in, kissing her back. He had a feeling this might be their last._

_Finally, she pulled back, the fear gone and now replaced by a longing and love that he rarely saw in her. It was a beautiful thing, "Goodbye, Garrus. And if I'm up in that bar and you're not, I'll be looking down. You'll never be alone." Her voice cracked slightly on the word but he knew that she was telling the truth._

_She took a step back and then walked over to where Anderson was standing, ready to go and face…whatever she was about to. He sighed and then repeated the word that stuck in his mind the most._

_"Never."_

He opened his eyes again and looked once more at the wall before removing his arm and walking slowly away.

* * *

"How are you holding up?"

A female's voice shook Garrus out of his thoughts as he looked back and saw Tali looking at him through her mask.

"I've been better," he admitted, looking back through the glass wall where a rather shady looking volus was waddling across the courtyard.

Tali watched him for a few more moments before speaking again, "I know it's her birthday today. You don't have to hide anything from me."

"I put flowers at the memorial, just like I do every year." He said, still keeping tabs on the volus, "Are you going to the C-Sec ball at the end of this month?"

"Stop changing the subject," Tali chided, leaning against the desk as well. Silence passed between them for a few moments before Tali turned her masked face towards him, "Have you been having nightmares?"

"Well, now look who's changing the subject."

Tali scoffed and Garrus knew if he could see her eyes, they would have been rolling, "I'm being serious. Nobody's had nightmares. I think it's the biotics but...I dream that I'm running with Shepard again and there's something chasing us. I don't think its Reapers but…"

"Alright, no, I'm not holding up well." Garrus interrupted her as Tali leaned back farther onto the palms of her hand, "I miss her."

"We all do," she said softly, watching the people walk by, "How is Alicia doing? Does she know?"

"She doesn't know anything. And we're going to keep it that way." Garrus said firmly, "Although, I guess Shepard was right."

"About what?"

"Once you go human, you can never go back." A small smile played along Garrus's mouth, causing Tali to chortle.

"You can say that again," She responded, referring to her geeky but protective boyfriend Alexander. "Bah, I never wanted a quarian anyway."

"Likewise,"Garrus agreed, "I mean a turian not a quarian. I wouldn't mind…"

"Just stop while you're ahead." Tali said, laughing, "Your anniversary is coming up here pretty soon, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it's in a month."

"What is this, 2 years?"

"On the nose." He admitted as Tali laughed again and crossed her hands over her chest.

"At least you found someone else."

Garrus looked down at his feet and didn't say a word. An awkward silence settled around them as Tali began to put two and two together, "What are you saying…?"

"It's not," Garrus blurted out before composing himself to say the rest, "Working out on my end. I mean, I love Alicia but…"

"She's not Shepard," Tali murmured softly, "I understand."

Suddenly, both of their omni-tools began lighting up, blinking as simultaneous messages were received.

"What do you think this is about?" Tali asked as her fingers danced across the holographic top of her tool.

"No idea." Garrus responded as his talons did the same. An email quickly popped up requesting the presence of the Normandy's crew in Admiral Hackett's office in an hour.

"What do you think it is?" Tali asked as Garrus shrugged and dropped his hand.

"No idea but we've got somewhere to be." He turned on his heel and began to walk away, Tali following close behind him.

* * *

"Thank you all for coming," Hackett said in his deep, commanding voice, "I'm sorry this was at such short notice but what I received last night couldn't wait."

Garrus looked around the room at the remainder of the crew. Most had stayed on the Citadel. Several had gone to Earth and weren't present for the time being.

"Last night at about 0100, I received a message on my private terminal with a video. That I found extremely disturbing. Whether or not this is a joke, the message is very clear: the sender needs help."

With that, the lights dimmed and he turned on the projector overhead. A woman appeared on the screen and it took Garrus a moment to realize who it was before he nearly fell out of his chair with horror, relief and shock.

Her hair was still that beautiful dark red color he remembered so fondly while her green eyes sparkled with fear and anger. Her cheeks were gaunt and stretched thin but she was still there. He would recognize her anywhere.

It was Shepard.

The woman was speaking rapidly and he could tell that her hands were shaking.

_"My name is Eileen Shepard and I am alive. I don't know how, I don't know why but I'm alive…or maybe I'm dead and this is my hell. Wouldn't surprise me." She took a shaky breath and continued, "I'm being held captive by The Illusive Man. I also don't know how he survived. I need help. They're running some sorts of…tests on me. I don't know exactly what they're for but I'm scared they'll kill me. I need help." She looked around before speaking again, "I am somewhere in the Hades Gamma. I'm not sure where but…"_

The message turned to static.

* * *

**Oh snap! Shit just hit the fan! Stay tuned for more...things.**


	3. Prelude to Fury

_"Will you still love me, _  
_When I'm no longer young and beautiful?_  
_Will you still love me, _  
_When I've got nothing but my aching soul?_  
_I know you will, I know you will, I know you will."_

* * *

Shepard felt her legs give out from underneath her, the skin of her knees break as they hit the cold, unforgiving ground. She could barely feel the prodding and poking that came now as scientists yelled at her to stand up. It was only when she felt a pair of arms wrap underneath her armpits did her military training jump back into action. She twisted out of the grip of one arm, slamming her elbow down onto it, breaking it so badly the pristine white coat was suddenly stained with red as the bone broke skin. The man screamed in agony as three more scientists raced to grab onto her, making sure that she wasn't able to move. Behind a curtain of greasy hair, she could see The Illusive Man watching her, still sucking away at those cigarettes, Miranda at his side, still wearing that perfect little smirk of hers.

"So, I see that you've still got some fight in you, Shepard." He said smoothly as she wrestled against the hands that held her down. A knee came in contact with her nose and a blinding pain so fierce jostled her skull so much her teeth rattled in her skull flashed before Shepard's eye. As soon as sharp pain subsided, the throbbing pain struck so fiercely that she had to bite her tongue to keep from shouting in agony. Then the waterfall of blood hit, dripping down onto the already stained jumper and onto The Illusive Man's expensive looking shoes.

"F-fuck you!" Shepard managed to get out before he chuckled and smiled down on her, a look of pity on his face.

"Lock her up." He said sharply as they began to drag the broken commander away, leaving streaks of blood where it fell from her nose. The doors in the Cerberus facility opened silently as they pulled her along, her head already lulling to the side, feeling her nose swell up. She could add this to a list of ever growing injuries that she had to show from her now seven month imprisonment at the facility. Of course, that didn't count the four years prior she had spent in cryo since she hadn't been sadistically tortured by some macabre dictator. Finally, they opened the door to her stark white room and threw her in, cursing her softly for hurting their fellow scientist. That had been coming for that particular man, even if nobody else knew about it. Snide comments about what had happened on the Citadel with the Reapers, rude gestures about her appearance and of course, the particular insults that he had made about her choice of lover.

"Fucking bitch fucked a turian." He had said, coming to collect her for more training, "Anyone who fucks a turian deserves this."

"Yeah," The other guy giggled nastily, "I heard that he wanted them to get married."

"Oh God! Married to a turian? Shit, this thing doesn't deserve to lick my shoes."

The conversation had gone on for some time before they threw Shepard into a pit with a herd of pissed off varren. By that time, she knew that she would take both of them out for saying things like that. She had gotten the other scientist by breaking his ribs earlier (she had gotten her own ribs broken but it was worth it) but this one took the cake. She hadn't used that technique for a very long time and going into it, she was afraid she wouldn't have broken the fucker's arm but to her surprise, she hadn't only broken it but had made the bone pierce his skin too.

Shepard took out an old rag and pushed it gently to her nose, hissing in pain as she brushed the cloth over it. She knew it was broken but they would make her test anyway. It was always tests and fighting...just to please The Illusive Man. The needlemarks in her skin were still bruised and each vertebre ached like she had been struck in the back. In a way, she realized that she had been. The needles were always full of something that were apparently designed to make her biotics stronger but they never worked. She had never been a biotic like Jack or Kaiden...but she could use them in a fight nonetheless.

She managed to stumble over to her bed, her feet dragging across the ground until she could lay down. It was too painful to lay on her back but it was even moreso to do so on her front and so she chose the lesser of two evils. She closed her eyes, trying to picture the faces of each and every person she could think of. Of course, there were her parents: Hannah and Joshua Shepard, both Alliance military, one of the first to ever travel through the Terminus system. Of course, she had followed shortly after and had watched her team die on Akuze as the thresher maw tore their ranks apart.

Her eyes snapped open. She couldn't think of that. Not now, not while she was laying with her nose streaming blood down the side of her face. Pushing that out of her mind, she began to think about the other people she had met in her life. Of course there was Kaiden Alenko, the cocky, yet kind hearted Major turned Commander who she had almost fallen in love with. The key word being almost. Of course, there had been competition between the two and that competition gave way to lust which gave way to love. However, in the end, Shepard had given that up, knowing in her heart of hearts that she could never love him the way he loved her.

Then there was Ashley Williams. The fierce hearted warrior she had left back on Virmire who had vailiantly given her life so that they could escape the planet. Shepard's heart was still heavy with grief, even sevenyears after her death. Had Shepard always been this old? 35...what a number...She was so young when she joined The Alliance...so young when she became a commander...just barely out of what was considered diapers in the Alliance's world.

Her mind still floated about, picking several faces that she had known so briefly but cared for so much. Thane, Samara and Legion all danced upon her cranium as a certain someone came to mind. Garrus Vakarian was the one that she had fallen so deeply in love with. When they finally came out about their relationship, most people had been apalled by the fact a turian and a human were dating. They didn't care. The only thing they cared about was the love that was perfect and ultimate between them. That's what they had cared about.

A crash somewhere in the facility caught Shepard's attention. Her eyes opened slowly, casting them towards the door. No other noises came so instead, she settled right back into her daydream, thinking about all the others she had spent time with. God, she would give the world to be with them again. Her mind settled back over her parents, her mother with her dark red hair and blue eyes and her father's warm hazel gaze. She remembered the first time they left Earth,

Eileen so small and fragile, smiling as this new world moved around her so quickly.

Now Shepard could hear gunfire. Sitting up her in her cot, she hissed as pain shot through her body again, her head now throbbing like something fierce. People were shouting angrily and running around as explosions filled her ears, smoke already seeping under her door. The facility was under attack. Shepard didn't even move. For once in her life, she didn't care about fighting or shooting a gun. All she wanted to do was curl up and wait for whatever or whoever was attacking to come in, hold a gun against her head and pull the trigger.

Wake up, stupid! Wake up! You don't want to die! If you die, then he's already won! Her brain screamed at her as Shepard moved her arms and stood up, ignoring her throbbing head and still bleeding nose. She stumbled over to a small desk that she had stashed a knife in. It wouldn't do her much good but at least she could go down fighting. Finally, as the shooting neared her, she wished she could see Garrus's face one more time before...

The shooting was in the corridor and voices shouting orders were heard. She could hear the guards grunting outside her door, yelling profanities as they went down. Shepard readied herself, getting into her fighting stance, adrenline racing through her veins.

The door opened.

It was a turian, that much she could tell. She could only see his outline through the smoke and rubble, his assult rifle poised and to fire.

"Get down on the ground!" The turian shouted as he stepped into the room.

"Like hell!" Shepard spat angrily, the knife clenched in her right fist. However, when the voice finally reached her ears, she felt her stomach drop to her feet. It took her a minute to realize who was now speaking, "Garrus?"

It was like walking in a dream world. Time seemed to slow down to a crawl as Shepard let the knife drop from her fingers and felt like her entire world had just imploded on itself. Now she could see his face clearly: time hadn't changed him at all. He was still as striking and handsome as the day they had said goodbye. Garrus lowered his rifle and stared at her, disbelief in his eyes.

"Shepard."

That did it. With a sigh of relief, Shepard's body dropped to the floor and she fainted.

* * *

The fighting over, Jack scowled as an escape pod flew away from the burning station.

"Fuckers got away." She snarled angrily, turning towards the returning crew that were now coming back to the point where the group had been dispersed. Jack looked over to see the asari Liara walking towards her, tucking her gun into the holster at her thigh.

"Did anyone find her?" She asked softly, speaking to no one in particular. The shore party included Kaiden, Jacob, Tali and of course, Jack and Garrus.

"That's a negative," Jacob responded, waking back into the hangar, "Speaking of which, has anyone seen Garrus? He ran down a hallway and I lost comms with him."

"The last time I saw him, he was with you Taylors." Tali responded irritibly, "Joker isn't going to be happy we didn't find Shepard..."

Suddenly, their comms lit up as the very person began speaking to them, "Normandy to shore party, Normandy to shore party, come in shore party."

Kaiden touched the comm link in his ear and scowled, his dark brows coming together, "We haven't found her yet, Joker. Stop asking!"

"Okay, okay, yeesh. Calm down."

Kaiden rolled his eyes and then spoke again, "Alenko to Vakarian, Alenko to Vakarian. Are you reading me here, Garrus?"

"That's affirmative, Commander. I found something."

The subharmonic that all knew so well were darker, thicker as if his emotions were running high. Kaiden cocked his head to the side slightly and narrowed his eyes.

"Well, are you going to tell me what you found or am I just going to sit here and wonder the rest of the damned night?! Did you find Shepard or not?!" Kaiden snapped, nearly ripping his headpiece out in frustration. Silence descended on the group as they waited for the turian's final words.

"I found her, Kaiden."

Liara let a gasp escape her lips as she brought her hands up to her mouth in shock, "Is she alive, Garrus?"

"Yeah, but she's just barely hanging on. She's been through Hell it looks like." His voice was strained as if he was truly trying to keep himself contained for their sakes. Of course, Tali wasn't only thinking about Shepard. Her own mind thought back to the dark haired woman that Garrus had left behind on the Citadel, telling her it was nothing more than training exercises. How would she react to this new player in Garrus's romance?

Of course, Tali knew things changed but still...She knew Shepard was not too keen on sharing anything.

"We need to get her medical attention quickly!" Liara chided as the group of soldiers and renegades silently agreed.

"You guys go on ahead. I'm going to place that bomb and blow this place to Hell and back." Jack said suddenly, pulling something out a rucksack at her side, "I'll meet you back at the Normandy in 5 minutes."

"Be careful, Jack." Liara warned her as the feisty biotic scoffed.

"What are you, my mother? Don't worry, 5 minutes and this place will be nothing more than memories."

"If you really feel it's necessary, then by all means," Jacob said calmly as he began to run back in the direction of the Normandy. "But if you get stuck here, just know that we're not turning around to come pick up your sorry ass."

The woman scoffed again and rolled her eyes, "Believe me. I've been setting bombs since I was a kid. You guys run ahead."

With that, she took off into the depths of the Cerberus facility, leaving the rest of the crew to make the long trek back to the Normandy. Standing at the airlock, Garrus felt his stomach churn. In his arms was the woman he loved. In his head was the woman that had been his rock in the storm when Shepard had...died, for lack of a better term.

The first steps out of the airlock were chaotic. Officers and crewmen were running around, trying to make sense of all that was happening. It was only when Doctor Chakwas came up with her assistant to take Shepard down to the medical bay that the hive that was the Normandy began to calm down, each person breaking off into their own little groups to discuss the Commander's mysterious disappearance.

It took Garrus ten minutes to finally make it back to his safe haven inside the main battery, his mind as blank as the day she stepped into his life. He didn't even notice when Jack came back on the ship, accepting her high fives and slaps on the back. Why did she have to come back and do this to him? Thoughts danced inside of his head as he thought about all the times they had spent together...each one clambering upon the other to try and get into his train of thought first. Finally, with a roar of anger, he jumped up and pushed over a crate that was sitting directly in front of him. With his forearm, he then knocked off all the papers and bits that were sitting on the small table next to him, glass shattering as a picture tell to the floor.

Wincing as his anger subsided he reached down and picked up the picture. It was one of the only times that Shepard had ever let her hair down, her face round and pink and her eyes so bright and full of life. Garrus stood next to her, arms wrapped around her waist as they laughed at something Jack had just said. It was right before they had gone to war, a day that they had taken with her crew to do something...different, choosing to go to a small Japanese garden on the Citadel. Shepard was even wearing jeans, a strange unpleasant sort of material he found coarse and scratchy. When he told her this, she had just laughed and with a wink told him that she would never wear them again in his presence. Fortunately that night, she had indeed shedded the infuriating pants and...well...the rest was history.

He had proposed to Shepard that night in a stupid ritual that he had seen in a vid. He wasn't even that good at it since all turians did was mate for life. However, whether she knew it or not, they HAD mated for life. She had promised him an answer when the Reapers had been dealt with. How badly he wished he could have heard her say yes.

After about an hour hiding away, he opened the door of the battery and walked slowly out onto the main deck of the crew's quarters, the crew humming with rumors about the two. Thankfully, the walk to the infirmary wasn't too far, just around the corner. The buzz of whispers gave away to stony silence as the door closed behind him.

"Doctor Chakwas," Garrus greeted formally as the doctor...now older but still strikingly beautiful gave him a short, curt nod and sighed, placing another bandage on Shepard's forehead.

"Garrus. I cannot tell you how grateful I am to you." She said softly, "I don't think she ever knew this but I came to not only respect the commander but love her like a daughter. When she died..." Her voice cracked as he gripped Shepard's cool, battered hand, "I felt like my life just..." She sighed again and brushed a lock of hair out of Shepard's face in a motherly fashion.

"Um," He began, not quite sure what to say, "The pleasure is all mine."

"I'm sure you want to speak to her alone." Chakwas said again, her no-nonsense tone coming back out, "She's still passed out but her vital signs have stabilized and I'm positive she'll make a full recovery." With that, Chakwas strolled over to the door, opened it, and walked out, the room once again maintaining the silence that it was designed to hold.

Garrus sat down on the corner of her bed and brushed one long lock of red hair out of her face, "Shepard...I never thought I would see you again. There's...there's so much I want to tell you, probably need to tell you but I don't know where to begin." He laughed softly, "I thought you were dead. I thought I had moved on with my life. I guess I've never been so wrong in my life on both accounts. I guess what I'm trying to say is..." He struggled to find the right words, trying to pick apart his braid for anything she might still recall, "welcome home." With that, he reached down and brushed his damaged mandibles on her forehead in some sort of mock kiss. He then stood back up and like nothing had ever happened and walked back out of the infirmary, the door closing behind him and the words unheard by Shepard bouncing around the room like echoes of promises that had never been fulfilled.

* * *

**Shepard! You're alive! And Garrus! Still have feelings! So many feels to be had in this chapter! Sorry for the lack of updating. Life has been hectic and work has been flipping me the bird. PLUS, Mass Effect 3: Citadel DLC is my life right now. PLUS...Emeraldxlady has feelings for Garrus. I've done it! I've successfully shared my disease with another human being! It's like STD's! Er...I think that was a bit much... **

**Anyway, reviews are awesome. Thanks to everyone who's reading. Even if you're not leaving a review, I appreciate you for taking the time to click on this link when there are so many other amazing Shakarian fanfics out there. (Although I've been getting into some Shep/Kaiden fics lately...maybe a quick smut scene for them in the near future? Only time will tell...)**

**Mass Effect Universe (c) Bioware (GODS)**


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